Friday, January 14, 2011


I heard that writing down your fears helps you get over them. It is believed that by seeing the fear written out it causes them to be less mysterious, allowing the mind to fully grasp the fear and why the fear persists. In the understanding it can rationalize and overcome. Or something like that. I'm not sure if i believe it but I'm going to take a shot. I fear growing older. I know it's silly. I know that I cannot stop getting older. Now don't get me wrong I don't fear death. I fear ageing. Ever year that passes I can't help but look back and think how insignificant it was. I suppose what i really fear is being forgotten. Not by random strangers that saw me walking down the street but honestly after I pass on how many years will i be remembered. Five, ten, twenty, I see in history those that will never be forgotten Jesus, Martin Luther King Jr., JFK, Rosa Parks, George Washington, Noah, Job, Napoleon, Al capon, Hitler, Elvis Presley, The Beetles. Whether it's for good or for bad they will be remembered. What about those who will only be remembered by few such as Martin Luther, Joan of Arc, Banquo, Mary Shelly, Thomas Pain, they too did great things but will they be buried in history soon to be forgotten. What about those are forever lost to history who did very little or nothing at all to change history. I suppose that is my true fear. Doing nothing, being nothing, becoming nothing. Soon to be forgotten. I'm not sure this worked but it was good to get it out.

Friday, January 7, 2011


It almost feels surreal. As my little brother goes to school each morning I stay home and help my mother clean and do everything that needs to be done. I am so excited about having graduated early but I can't help but feel an eccentric premonition. As if at any second some one could yell "Bazinga" and I would be sitting back in Mesa. Mesa wasn't a bad school in the normal sense but I had the hardest time there out of the three high schools I went to. I can't help but thank God that I was grated the opportunity to graduate early. One important thing I learned at Mesa however was when we go through hard times God doesn't automatically save us but he provides the strength to persevere.